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The Ex Factor

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Everyone’s got one. And your BF is no exception.

You guys want to know:

How do you avoid feeling jealous of a boyfriend’s ex? How do you stay cool when running into your boyfriend’s exes or when you see them all over social media?

So exes seemed like a good topic for the Western Wild Dating Q&A! As usual, I’ll remind you guys that I am not an expert on dating or relationships. Everything here is just my perspective and opinion. But hopefully it at least gives you a different point of view or reinforces what you’re already thinking!

First of all, respect the ex. Who knows what the h*ll kinda sh*t your amazing, perfect BF put his ex through that led to their breakup, but you can bet there was some heartbreak involved. Be compassionate and put yourself in her shoes. “That would suck.” See?

And if she was a lying, cheating (fill in choice expletive) and she crushed him, you can respect her for being that way so your BF ended up free to date you.

Forget the past. Right now, take a deep breath in and when you exhale, let go of every single detail about your boyfriend’s dating life before you two were together. He didn’t know all the things he would love about you then, because if he did, he wouldn’t have been there doing that. Let thoughts of the past be off limits (especially if they bug you). Trust me, guys don’t do things they don’t want to do, and he’s chosen to be with you — so you know where he stands.

Ex-stalking: Duh, we all do a little Insta-creeping. BUT we also know it’s pointless so just break this habit. The only thing I ever learned from checking my boyfriend’s exes Instagram’s is that they’re all hot as f*ck! Which I already knew. So, moving on.

When you run into his ex, I think it’s generally good to be open to being friendly, but leave the terms up to her. Maybe she’s still not over it and isn’t in a position to be friendly back. That’s fine. Maybe she’s moved on and everyone’s happy and you all say a cordial “hello” to each other. Even better. The point is, you a) aren’t too invested in either response but b) you are the bigger person and are open to friendliness. That’s all anyone can ask for!

When all else fails, remember this: whoever was a part of his past, had a part in making him who he is today — and you really like him today, right?

What do you guys think of my suggestions? Do you guys have any other thoughts on exes? Let me know in the comments below!

55 comments

  • Kaitlynn!! I have been waiting patiently for this post! So thank you so much! I must say totally not what I expected. I am blown away by your maturity with how to handle this. You have made some VERY Amazing points here on how to handle the exes. All come from a wise stance and really makes you think deep. We can’t be mad, because whatever happened they ended with us! So we have to be grateful and polite! So thank you so much! You really have changed my way of thinking about the exes! I know I’ll be looking back at this for reminders! Really appreciate it. And remember this… You are fucking hot too! Best girlfriend of Brody’s! Don’t doubt that! Your blog and Instagram seems so down to earth. My favorite follow! Always look forward to new posts. All the best!

  • You are so amazing. I so needed this! Xoxo

  • Amen sister!! I always believe in killing them with kindness. In the end you will never regret being the bigger person! The only thing we can control is our character ❤️

  • Well said!! Where were this advise 4 months ago?
    You’re awesome for that attitude, I’ve always wondered how u do it!

  • My problem is not really a boyfriends ex. My situation deals with the fact I was talking to a guy really liked him than his best friend who’s a girl came out of no where. Everything was going great and they started becoming close again and now I feel like I got pushed to the side. I tried my best to just forget and move on but than I receive the random text that makes you wanna keep holding on. I feel like I’m stuck trying to be the cool girl but I’ve been her for three months now and I’m about to tell him how I feel. I don’t know what to do.

  • I think this is so well said. The past is the past. Love your website.

  • I think your advice is solid! Especially the part about moving on from checking his ex’s insta. I just start to compare myself when I do that and it’s not healthy! Loved your tips, thanks for sharing!

  • you are the cutest girl brody has dated for sure. his “ex” if even worth calling her that attention whore bhollyb is disgusting and searching for fame/soooo tacky can’t even deal with it. i actually know your bf and his friends and can’t stand her but glad you are smart and well rounded

    • Well, someone completely missed the point of Kaitlynn’s post!

  • Love it 🙂 so true !
    I’m from Québec, Canada and I looove your blog.

  • Totally agree!

  • I honestly think that is some of the best ex advice I have ever heard. A very mature way of approaching the subject! That’s fantastic. 🙂

  • Perfectly to the point! Don’t compare yourself…love who you are…don’t worry about what u can’t control it doesn’t change the outcome. Exes are a life lesson to be thankful for… We are all better BC of them!

  • What if the ex girlfriend is now the new girlfriend? I was married. Recently divorced. They had a full year apart prior to me meeting him. We fell in love.. married and had a child. Five years together. He had a affair with ex, she was always around friends and was never completly gone I feel. They are now together. She moves in next month. I feel very dumb. I’m so much better off I see now. But I do feel dumb, ashamed and my self esteem is shot. So can anyone give me advice on this? He is also a controlling, manipulative condescending s*** head. My daughter is only three. I have to co parent with an ass.

    -C.M

    • Oh gosh! Well, like you said, you’re better off. If he was okay doing it to you, he’ll treat her just as disrespectfully at some point. Don’t feel dumb!! He tricked you! Hang in there. xx

  • Love this! Great advice!!! Came at such a pivotal point in my relationship. Thank you 🙂

    • You’re welcome! Thank you!

    • This made me look at my exes in a whole new way. I look at things more maturely now and am letting go of the resentment and bitterness.
      Thank you 🙂

  • Couldn’t agree more with what Jordee girl said above. Very honest, concise, and perfect advice. I must say, you really have impressed me so much with your blog/Instagram account. Awesome pictures, awesome fashion, very beautiful person inside and out. You’re seriously one of the coolest f*cking girls I have (never) met. I never waste time leaving comments on random websites to people I don’t know, but I just had to show some love because I thought you should know how kickass you are! Keep it up! I look forward to every post 🙂

  • I love this! Great, mature advice. You’re a great role model Kaitlynn! 🙂

  • Great advice! Love it, considering I was left for another girl..and happen to see my ex and her everywhere.. Let it go!!

  • Love all the points you made in this post. I think the biggest thing any reader can take from this post, is that you are really confident in yourself and confident in your relationship. When a girl is confident in her relationship and herself, no ex of her bf will bother her.

  • Kaitlynn you’re an absolute sweetheart and so level headed and mature for your age. No wonder B is crazy over you. Such wise words!

  • Great advice! Thanks for this post!

  • This is really great advice. Of course, it’s much easier said than done, but I think that has a lot to do with the fact that many of us lack confidence. I used to be so bothered by my bf’s ex even though he would reassure me all of the time, but that’s because of my own insecurities that I needed to work on within myself. You are so confident and it’s inspiring and attractive. Following your instagram and your blog has helped me see that I want to be the type of girl that radiates confidence like you do. Thanks Kaitlynn!

  • Love this!!

  • Such a tough subject, right? Thanks for this article. It’s nice to know we aren’t alone.

  • This article was so much better than I thought it would be! Thank you for sharing your advice!! xx

  • Hi Kaitlynn!

    Do you have any exes that are in the public eye? If so, how did you deal with that prior to Brody?

    My ex broke up with me as soon as he turned professional and moved across the country for his sport, and now I’m left having to see reminders of him on TV, Social media, etc. It makes it super hard to move on.

    Thanks!! Xo

  • I just wanted to stop by and tell you that you are such an inspiration to women everywhere. The way you carry yourself through your website, blog, insta, etc is so filled with class and grace. Reading your blog can 100% change my day! The advice that you give is so spot on and you really know how to make a reader feel ilke you are having a one-on-one conversation, as if they are your best friend.. Wishing you nothing but happines and success with your venture!!
    Be well. Live free.
    Much love,
    Missbhay
    missbhay.wordpress.com

  • You could not have said it better! I couldn’t have read this at a much more needed time! <3

  • I love your outlooks. Always putting other people first. So down to earth. Hope you will be in Sydney with Brody at Marquee next week.
    Cheers,
    Danielle

  • Kaitlynn,
    I was hoping to get your advice on moving on… being the bigger person has been easy but when the ex’s new girlfriend makes it her goal to create the drama and becomes confrontational in public. The break up had minimal drama and there was respect. It makes me sad that we haven’t been able to stay friends and now can’t even be in the same room, i feel because of her insecurities. I need a boost, i do not want to be the bad lady for NO reason.

    You have a beautiful soal, Canada Loves You!
    xox

  • soul** oops

  • Love the positive advice!! Also, love your blog!

  • hi kaitlynn,
    i love this article about exes and how to get rid on sneaking his profile and just move on. It inspires me how to live life to fullest without getting stuck in the past and just embrace the future in which we really have to live… #movingon.

    PS. I admire you so much, i get to know you when i got to see your instagram account and on how you and Brody Jenner shared moments together. I wish you the best and looking forward to see more beautiful things in your blog 😉

    • Thank you! I’m glad this was helpful to you and I appreciate your feedback 🙂

  • Wow Kaitlynn, thank you for this! For the last couple of weeks I really felt I almost became obsessed with checking out ‘the ex’ her social media. It became a daily, no hourly!, routine and it made feel so bad about myself seeing all the amazing things she does. Reading this really reminds me again that there is no point in doing this.. Its pointless and it needs to stop. Thank you once again for this advice 🙂

  • Just wanted to say this helped me a lot, I am the girl who checks my boyfriend’s ex’s instagram more than I care to admit, yikes! Your experience and advice is so helpful and really is keeping me sane. Officially over insta-stalking! Thank you!!!!

  • Great advice!! Now if only you had a post about how to deal with my man’s brothers girlfriend’s rude ways I would have hit the jackpot! Lol

  • Great advise! Just happened to me not to long ago i decided to stop creeping my boyfriend ex. Until i friend resquested her on facebook by mistake!

  • I just wanna say thank you for writing this. I have been living with my boyfriend going on 4 years. I have caught myself doing all of these things. Jealousy and insecurity. I always used the excuse that he is my first real relationship…. but it’s been 4 years. … clearly he is not going anywheres.

  • strongly agree.

  • Kaitlynn,

    I love reading your blog and thoughts on relationships. It is so refreshing to see a young, beautiful, confident and secure give such balanced advice and promoting positivity to girls. I grew up in “The Hills” era and obviously had a teenage crush on Brody. I like him more now knowing he chose a woman like you to share his life with. You truly seem lovely inside and out.

    I found love with an amazing guy and this particular post gave me some sound advice (from someone other than my mom) on burying my insecurities about the ex.

    Looking forward to more of your writing! xx

    -Courtney

    • Thank you so much! Glad to hear my advice has been helpful too 🙂

  • My boyfriend and I were best friends before we were together and I know so much about him and his ex. He even shared his sex life with her, with me! I hope it’s as easy as you’ve said to forget about his past. But thanks tho! Learning how to let it all go 😉

  • Hi Kaitlynn! I just wanna say i love the way you think, i have one quick question for you. How do you handle the girls around broddy? I mean the flirt, what do you think its the limit to that flirt boys make when they talk to other girls when they are in a relatonship, do you think is ok the “flirt talk” as long as he dont hook up?

  • I love this! what a mature and very correct approach! I wish everyone saw the light and realized all these points you mentioned. I also love and respect your comment that ‘all his exes are hot as f’ck’, it takes a mature women to admit this, I wish my closest friends could wake up and do the same! They are forever demeaning women while I am the complete opposite! it drives me nuts! (& just quietly makes them look a lil crazaye) Very well said and a great outlook you have. Amen sistah!

  • Whenever my boyfriends ex decides to pop herself back into the picture I always re-read this and it really helps. I normally am not a confrontational person, but this girl seems to push my buttons and I really want to keep my cool, but part of me wants to be a beotch… Should I confront her about backing off… It’s been over a year and she has a new boyfriend, but has been making fake accounts to try and follow him, or has her friends follow me to comment rude things on my photos I mean we’re adults here, c’mon. I don’t know what to do, and would appreciate any helpful advice you have 🙂

  • You made a lot of sense!

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