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My best piece of dating advice

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I just wrote a response to a reader who asked me what the trick to turning a relationship from a hookup into a consistent, exclusive relationship is. I thought my response would be a useful blog post because I actually hear this question all the time, and also watch my own girlfriends both rule at what I’m about to explain and suck at it. My advice applies to developing a new relationship as much as it does to maintaining a longstanding one.

As always, I want to be clear that I am not a relationship expert, so everything I write on this topic is solely my opinion and based on my personal experiences.

The best piece of dating advice I have, no matter what your current relationship status or situation, is to have your own life. Have your own goals, your own source of income, your own friends, your own time. I don’t care if you’ve been dating a few weeks or you’ve been married for years (although I realize the income part may not apply if you stay at home with kids!), you need to have your own thing going on — whatever that thing may be.

But I love my boyfriend and we love each other so much and we have so much in common that we want to be together 24/7!

Congratulations! That probably means you guys are very compatible. But I’d be willing to bet you haven’t been dating for all that long.

Here’s the thing:

Guys like girls who don’t desperately need them. Or don’t even need them at all, even. Why? For the same reason you want to date a guy like that!

Imagine you’re you: all independent, single, killing it at work, and having the time of your life on the weekends. Then you meet a guy and he’s super cute and nice and you guys are really clicking. As you get to know him better, he starts to talk about how he envisions life with you and his fantasy entails trading in his job for a work-from-home gig (why would you want to separate for 8 hours a day?), dropping everything he does with his guy friends (who needs golf and Monday night football when you have a GF?!), joining you at your girl’s nights (if you even still go to those!), and then cuddling up on the couch every night to watch a movie or just stare lovingly at you from the kitchen while he cooks you dinner (maybe the dinner part isn’t so bad). WTF? Where’s the depth? You’d be bored faster than it took him to weird you out about his clingy, dependent life plan!

Of course, my example is kind of extreme, but hopefully it gives you a good idea of how you don’t wanna be. Guys are looking for a partner… not a cling-on! They want to be with someone who adds to their life and who they find interesting; someone who they can learn from and see as an equal (and if they don’t, you might wanna be on the hunt for a different guy). When you and BF spend 24/7 together or you don’t have your own interests and friends, there’s not gonna be a whole lot to talk about or find interest in.

Plus, you introduce the idea that you’re always going to be around no matter what — so there’s no need for either of you to go the extra mile to make each other feel special (neither of you are going anywhere!).

But being independent isn’t all about keeping your guy’s interest, by any means! The most important reason to maintain some “you-time,” is YOU! As tempting as it can be to blow off ladies nights for some QT on the couch with your man, don’t do it (at least not often)! Literally every time I’ve thought about skipping out on my girlfriends but don’t, I’ve been SO happy I went. We need our girlfriends. For their humor, advice, experiences, and just plain femininity. It is always good to have multiple, close influences in your life. That’s part of being a balanced person.

The other reason to always have your own thing going on, is purely for peace of mind. Your life should never be dependent on your relationship (at least not until you’re married). By maintaining your own means of earning money, friendships and interests, you maintain the ability to walk away should you ever want (or need) to. In the early fantasyland stages of a relationship, you may be convinced you’ll never ever find yourself in that position — but do yourself a favor and just keep the option open. You never know, and you’re not hurting anyone by being the you you always have been (that’s who your boyfriend fell for in the first place!). There is nothing worse than feeling trapped when you want out (although I guarantee if you make this mistake once, you won’t again — speaking from experience)!

Beyond any of the reasons above, I find having my own life is just plain fulfilling. I feel accomplished each time I achieve something of my own and then get to share that with Brody (and no one is a bigger cheerleader for me than he is — ok, well maybe my mom!). When I spend a weekend away with my girlfriends and come home to my boyfriend and the house and pets we share, I feel whole — but this wouldn’t be possible for me without each component of my life.

Anyway, I don’t want this to get too blaa blaa-y. These are my thoughts and I find that applying them generally in dating situations has always served me well.

What do you guys think? If you could give one piece of advice from your dating experiences, what would it be? I’d love to put together a post of all your best tips!!

68 comments

  • I love this blog so much! There’s so many useful tips. They’ve really helped me

  • I totally agree with this! It pains me that some girls/guys loose themselves the second they get into a relationship!

    http://www.rompersandroomservice.com

  • I couldn’t agree more – being independent & having your own life “outside” of the relationship is one of the most important things if you really want to make it work. I failed to do this in my last relationship & paid the price for it – at least I learned something from it & will definitely never make the mistake to become too dependent & focus too much on my boyfriend. I love how you’re so open about your personal life & relationship & really enjoy getting a little insight – thank you for this 🙂

  • When it came to relationships of my own or my friends “fighting/arguing/going through each others stuff” was a problem that occurred more frequently than not. The fighting often stemmed from jealousy, and also being immature. As I’ve grown I’ve really developed the belief that my boyfriend and I are always on the same team. We trust that the other person is never trying to hurt our feelings or discourage us.

    For example, if person A says something that makes person B unhappy, person B would never assume that there was malicious intent behind it. Instead, person B would address the situation but enter the conversation knowing that there was a miscommunication and person A loves them and therefore would not be trying to hurt them.

    It sounds like such a small concept, but it almost completely takes away the need to fight. Why would you fight your own team mate when you know that at the end of the day, you have the same goals and want the same things.

  • Great relationship advice. I find myself leaning more towards my boyfriend and leaving my girlfriends behind, worst mistake. I realized what I was doing when I found myself alone while my boyfriend was out with his friends. Keep your girlfriends close because they give you things your boyfriend can’t: advice, shopping time, fun nights out, crazy ideas, and just about anything. Friends are a very special type of relationship we all need.
    Kaitlynn, I love your blog and you are doing so great keep up the good work!

  • I couldn’t agree more! It is very important to be balanced in life. So many of my friends don’t grasp the concept quite yet, but I hope they too will understand how important it is to keep up with girlfriends and hobbies. Life would be a drag to constantly do only what makes your other half happy. My boyfriend and I have been together 7 years and it keeps working so well since we don’t hold back from enjoying all the things that make us happy and whole. We always have so much to talk about at the end of each day. Thank you for all of your great advise, love your blog!

  • preach! this could not be more true. you are such a doll

  • This is honestly the truest relationship advice. I was in a relationship for so long and things recently fell apart and ended and reading this completely opened my eyes. I really depended on my boyfriend and gave him all my time and blew off my girlfriends for him. I think I drove myself crazy by giving up my own social life and independence and thinking about him all the time and making him my only priority. I will never let that happen again. Lesson learned.

  • Another great advice post! Miss I am not an expert! ;p This post was great. It’s good to remember to focus on yourself in the relationship and to do things you like. For me and my boyfriend we always like to try new things together, as well as share some of our interests. He is a big sports fan of hockey and football. Before meeting him I wasn’t. But I took the time to show interest and he loved explaining everything! And now we go to games together and it’s way more fun once you open up and understand it! Plus I love seeing how happy he is that he can share his passion with me! Looking forward to the next post!

  • True! Fab writer. I asked earlier but would you let us know who makes your glitter shorts you wore on Instagram with the navy fur
    Ray boots?? Also who makes your halter above.
    Thanks!!

    • Thank you! I think the shorts you’re talking about are tweed and they just look like glitter — is that possible? If so, they were from Urban Outfitters!! The halter top is from LF (not sure the maker on that one).

  • Awesome Post! You are so beautiful inside and out. How did you decide to get into blogging? Are you able to make a living off of it, or do you have other jobs? How did you find the job you loved to do?

    • Thank you!! Well, all I really knew was that I wanted to write, but I actually thought I would get my Masters and start teaching. Then a few people suggested I start a blog and because I had a pretty good social media following, it was successful quickly. I make a living off of the blog and side projects related to the blog, luckily. I don’t know how people blog and have another job — it is definitely a full time gig for me!

  • Great advice, It took me a while to figure this out
    xo
    http://www.laurajaneatelier.com

  • I have to completely agree,

    I just dated a guy for almost two years, slowly walked away from my very exciting social life, left my job because he “wanted to take care of me”, and pretty much only attended family gathering that were mandatory.

    The honeymoon stage passes and by that point I felt trap, I was in over my had. I couldn’t bite the bullet and reach out for help because I for lack of a better words blew up my own life and made myself his puppy. Once he knew I was his and wasn’t going to go anywhere it lead to him cheating and basically living the best of both worlds.

    When all that was going on, I wanted to run but I really had no where’s to go. So I would justify my choices and everything going on that I was being to better person, or being the “perfect” house wife. It’s FLIPPING 2014 (at the time) housewife I believe is being a Beyonce and rocking your own life well sharing it with someone who loves and respects you! Once I finally did walk away, I SWORE I’d never let go of my life for a guy again.

    Your blog post described it perfectly!

    xx Christine

  • I love your blog you are so spot on here! Great advice!

  • Hi Kaitlynn!

    Love your blog! I can relate so much with your way of thinking!
    I am from Brazil and am currently living here while my boyfriend remains in USA where we used to share a home until last August, when I had to come back to my home country due to the expiration of my american VISA (SUCKS!). We have been doing long distance since then and I have to say it is a daily struggle!
    Still, living together also demands caution as to not get dependent from each other and always respect each other’s differences. I’ve learned that patience is needed in both situations and balance is definitely the key!
    Congratulations on your great writing.

    Cheers from Brazil and happy new year! =)

  • i LOVE this. it couldn’t be more true!! sometimes life gets busy and seeing my girlfriends stupidly gets put on the back burner..and then i see them and it instantly makes me feel more whole. Awesome post 🙂 PS. do you mind sharing where you bought that white hat you were wearing in chicago on your IG account?

    • Thanks! I bought the hat at Intermix. It’s by Annabelle NY!

  • I love love love this post! It is so very important for women to be able to have their own life outside of their relationship. Girls can always use a GNO and we all know boys love their “bro time” :). Many of my friends who start dating tend to push away other people in their life because they are so focused on their partner. When the relationships doesn’t work out, they have nobody to turn to and their social life outside of the relationship has completely vanished. For my boyfriend and i, a little time apart is what works for us. This post was a great reminder that balance is key, thank you Kaitlynn 🙂
    xoxo

  • Love it, Kaitlynn! I wish I had received this exact advice months ago. I have been reading your blog since day one and I must say, you are doing a fantastic job! I especially loved this post. You seem wise beyond your years in your ability to approach these topics with such logic, maturity and understanding (of how both men & women work). Unlike some other bloggers, you seem really genuine and down to earth which is refreshing. A resolution of mine would be to apply some of these tips to my life/relationship. Brody is sure a lucky guy! Keep writing & inspiring xoxo

  • That is really true, many of my friends that have boyfriends have a hard time doing anything without them, and i who dont have a boyfriend feels kind of left out. They always put the boyfriend first, wich i understand cause they are in love, but at the same time, a boyfriend can never fully take a girlfriends place, I can never see myself trying to replace my friends with my future boyfriend cause to me my girlfriend times are really the time to just relax and talk about girl stuff, and we all need them. Why not have both parts?
    Im glad that you started blogging, and about stuff like this, its intressting

  • I couldn’t agree more! Having independence is an extremely attractive trait in any relationship.

    http://www.missnutritionista.com

  • This is one of the best pieces of dating advice I have read in a while. It’s so true! I live my life to these standards. Having our goals, independence, friends, money an our me time is so important. An having someone who is your cheerleader or being there’s keeps the relationship healthy an happy know you’re there for each other while fulfilling goals or dreams.
    Thank You for Writing this.

  • Such a great blog! Your advice is so helpful for many girls (and men) out there! Keep up the great work and I’m wishing you all the best in the New Year!

    http://splashofpreppy.wordpress.com

  • Love this!! Another tiny bit I’ve learned over the years is to not pick at the small things. Sure the first few months is all rainbows and butterflies, but there will be a time (my husband and I have been married four years) when some things he does will get on your nerves and some things you do I’m sure will aggravate him. No one is perfect. A good rule of thumb I’ve learned to use is take a deep breath when something irks me and ask myself if what is bothering me at this very moment is still going to bother me in a week? If the answer is yes, then calmly talk to him about the situation. Communication is key to any relationship. However, if the answer is no (and him leaving his shoes in the middle of the floor is not something you should still be mad about after a week) then you should hold your tongue. The same applies to him. Nobody likes to be nagged, especially over something small. Life with your partner will be so much sweeter if you chose not to let the small things that ultimately does not matter make you feel angry and bitter.

  • Love your tips and advice! Read that you thought about teching, what do you wanna tech? Have a great day!

  • I love this!! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, I couldn’t agree more about the importance of maintaining independence in a relationship.

    Re: resolutions- have you ever considered a restorative yoga/ meditation class? I totally get you about patience… we often avoid the types of practices that we need the most. High energy people like us gravitate towards more intense workouts when the answer is something more grounding and centering. Journaling and spending ten minutes in quiet meditation has incredible results. (I teach yoga full time 🙂 so I might be a little biased)

    Looking forward to your next post! Happy new year gorgeous girl!!

  • I just want to say, I don’t read blogs…. ever. Until yours came along, it’s bery honest, down to earth, and relatable:) So thanks for sharing your advice, experiences, and being someone us ladies can relate to and admire in many aspects

  • Word!

  • Hi Kaitlynn, thanks for another great post! Your advice is spot on. I do think even after getting married,
    you should still have your own hobbies/interests/brunch with girlfriends. My husband and I have joint goals, but we also retain individual goals.

    Anyway, I love your blog because the content is so well balanced. Will you please do a post on how you edit your closet? I’m ready for spring cleaning even though it’s still winter.

    • That is a GREAT idea! And since I just renovated my closet, perfect timing. I’ve just added this to my list of topics to write about 🙂

  • I completely agree with you! They fell for us as an individual in the beginning so why should our world change just because they’re a part of it too.

    I honestly feel what is key when it comes to a relationship is COMMUNICATION! I can vouch and say that most of us are not mind readers and have no idea what is going in each other’s mind.

    My husband and are probably not the most compatible couple out there but when it comes to sharing how we feel about things it truly saves us fights! I’ve been in previous relationships where is was extremely compatible to a person but our communication essentially lacked. When it came to those fights, let’s just say they were literally months of built up anger and feelings that were long over due that eventually sent our relationships crashing to the ground!

    Remember as cheesy as it may be, you should never tell your partner straight out “you never pick up or help around the house and it’s always me that does everything”, because that will likely get them defensive. Instead you say “I really feel that at the end of the day I’m just as tired as you are and would really like appreciate it if you would pick up those socks and put them in the laundry basket every now and then.” You’re non threatening and non invasive tone just makes it better for the both of you! Believe me it works!

    Again communication is key!

    Love your blog by the way, very fresh and insightful!

  • I totally agree with you on this advice 🙂 well said! Also don’t ever change who you are for that person, I found I did that and have realised i am loved for who I really am. Your blog is the first one i’am following too and I love it.

  • Hi Kaitlynn,

    This great advice. Advice I wish I had heard years ago and before I met my current, amazing boyfriend, who always supports me and let’s me be me! I used to love writing and almost majored in journalism. My friends tell me I should start a mini blog, but I’m nervous it will suck! Today is my birthday and being that I am now halfway to 50 maybe I should take the chance!

  • Can you give skincare/hair tips. I’m envious of both of yours! xo

  • I really enjoyed this post for many reasons, but mostly because this advice is so incredibly important for women. Especially those that are out there dating. I am happily married now, but going through the dating scene in my 20’s (I’m 32) now I followed a pattern that I regret to this day. I would start dating someone I really liked, then I’d fall for them and lose total sense of who I was. I would drown in those relationships and I’d often feel like I lost my identity by the time it ended. I finally took a two year break from serious dating. I still went out to dinner with guys here and there, but I needed to figure out what I wanted, who I was, and where my friends and family fit into things without a guy confusing that for me. I finally found my balance and Kaitlynn-you couldn’t be more right. Finding myself and maintaining independence I met a fantastic guy (who I later married) and one of the things he continues to tell me is that he loves that we don’t “need” to be together (that emotion exists with us), but we are together because we “want” to be. We compliment one another, we build each other up. We have our own interests, hobbies, and friends, and as a result always have plenty to talk about, it never gets boring, and when we come together at the end of the day we are a unit. We love deeply, but maintain most of our independence. Women forget that in relationships more so than men and it’s the one thing that is attracts them to us initially and will maintain an attraction in the long term. Relationships take work and compromise, but having a strong sense of who you are before you enter one will serve you well in the commitment department. Kudos for a great post. I love your blog and have shared it with all of my girlfriends. You rock! Keep the posts coming!

  • I couldn’t agree more kaitlynn. This is one dating advice I have been trying to give my girlfriends for a long time. As soon as I started my relationship with my fiancée I headed off to South Africa with my best girlfriends. I admit I missed my boyfriend dearly but I stood my ground and continued to do what I love, traveling. That’s just one example I realize not everyone is able to jet off somewhere but when I did return I focused my energy on my friends dance studio and starting up a new business. Now I am engaged and expecting my first child with the love of mylife. Obviously things have changed we spend a lot more time together because of obvious circumstances. But we still keep our hobbies/ career alive!

  • I love your blog! Great advice, recipes, and fashion. I have a relationship question, maybe for another post, if you feel like sharing, or if others are interested… How did you feel/adjust to moving into Brody’s place? I’m going to be in a similar situation soon, and the thought of having to move into “his” place, and find space for my things and really have it feel like my own gives me anxiety. I always envisioned finding a new place of our own, but sometimes it doesn’t work out like that right away and I want to avoid feeling like I am a permanent houseguest, or get bitter that my things don’t fit.

    • Hi Tia! Sorry for the delay getting back to you! I would love to do a post in response to your question, so if you can hang in just a bit longer, I’ll respond on the blog! xx

  • You are awesome Kaitlynn! I remember my ex boyfriend like 6 years ago. Madly in love from the first time we got intriduced. Moved together quickly and my fridays saturdays sundays was with him. Just watched movies make dinner. I was with my friends less often and almost nothing. I thought i was happy. After 2 years when its was over i couldnt understand what i been doing. Lucky for me i explained for my girlfriends and lucky me again i have so good friends they understood and we talked it through. Now ive been in a relationship for 4 years and its working great even were not in ours faces 24/7 🙂 thank you for a great blog. Many hugs from sweden

  • This is spot on. I love reading your blog as a fellow New Englander : )

  • Kaitlynn, this is great advice! I have always told myself this but it can still be easy to fall into the habit of spending too much time with your man. Also, I was reading this in front of my boyfriend and initially he was making fun of me for reading dating advice from a blog…then I read it aloud to him and he asked me to give him my iPad, reading the rest of the post himself. He said “wow, this is actually really great advice, I love this!” 🙂

    So thank youuuu for the reminder and keep on killing it, I love your blog xx

    • Haha that’s awesome!! I just read that to Brody. Thanks for the feedback!! x

  • Wow! I completely agree with you.

    Greetings from Poland 🙂

  • Hey Kaitlynn – great advice! My girlfriends always tell me this too. I’m going to be moving in with my boyfriend of almost 2 years but unfortunately it’s into a studio so this advice seriously applies to me! I’m glad I came across this post because it gave me another reminder of how we need to work on creating our own space.
    I would like to kindly ask for some advice though – my boyfriend used to be the biggest player since he was 19 (now is 26) and I still find myself being bothered about the way he knows other girls (a lot of them are super gorgeous), the way he still has some old hookups on Facebook but denies it and how when I ask about it he just gets annoyed and angry as if I’m going crazy on him. I’ve given up on bringing it up again as it has caused many arguments but a part of me is still bothered by it. How on earth can I just get over this by myself and become the more confident girl that I used to be? I’ve become so insecure!
    Would be lovely to hear some advice 🙂
    Keep up the great work!

    • Ugh, I can’t stand when guys react that way to a girlfriend’s questions! Of course that only makes you feel less comfortable. Also, it kind of sounds like he’s lying to you (if I’m reading the part about denying he’s friends on Facebook with former hookups when he really is)? That’s really not ok. Trust is the most important thing in a relationship, and if that isn’t there, you’ve got a problem.

      If you’re only rarely bringing this up and he reacts so poorly, the best advice I think I can offer here is for you to sit down and calmly (without accusing him or sounding upset) explain to him that his reaction isn’t helpful to you (or your relationship). If you’re satisfied with his response at that point, then move on. If you aren’t, then maybe there’s a reason you aren’t comfortable (I am a firm believer in intuition!) Regardless, make sure that you two have a solid foundation of trust and honesty going forward, especially before you move in with him!

  • Hii Kaitlynn!
    I love this! More than I can even explain in writing! I am newly married and we have a child, and man is it tough on a relationship! I have been following you for a while, and I just love all of your advice and everything. This truly hit home, I recently lost some friends and keeping the real ones around truly make a difference in your life. It helps that the hubby loves them too! Hehe ☺️
    I have troubles with having my own life, lol with work, and homework and then dinner, I’m exhausted by 8pm, I’m sad I know. Haha but thank you for this so much! I will take this advice and use it to its fullest! Thank you for being so awesome!

  • Hi (: did you ever do the post about cleaning your closet? Thanks!

  • Hi Kaitlynn!
    As always, I loved the post. This piece of advice is BEYOND useful and so easily relatable. That being said, I have another question for you! What do you think about texting? It is such a huge part of relationships these days, and I’m curious what your take on it is. For instance, I’m just starting a new relationship with a guy I really like- because I want it to be clear to him that I am independent and I certainly DON’T want to be overbearing at all, I’ve been trying not to text him first, and I’ve been doing a good job at it. He seems interested and has continued to text me first and we’ve continued to hang out. However, there are those nights that I just won’t hear from him. At what point does it become OK for me to text him first? What gives? Is it something you notice or is it OK for me to be a little more forthcoming about things, and make it known that I’m just as interested as he is (seemingly)?
    XO
    A

    • Omg. This is an amazing question. Kaitlin we need you. Stat!!!

  • Hi Kaitlynn,

    I really need some advice and support regarding dating. I seem to find myself in the same scenario just a different guy, over and over: good looking, surfer type, player but shows interest and ‘wants’ a relationship or would be open to one, very independent, laid back, and then somehow he tables turn after we hookup. Have you ever been in a situation where guys have just sort of taken you for granted or you have felt dismissed? I guess its a lack of effort on their part and I feel like there is something that I’m missing. I literally have been in the situation over and over where we end up being physical fast Bc there is that initial attraction and bc I have had relationships develop this way, I expect that the guy will just be into me. I am afraid that it will lose momentum if ‘I play it cool’ I just want to be able to be honest and open with out playing the initial games, is it possible? It would help to hear of you can relate to this sort of rejection as you are so pretty, and have so much going for you. Oh yea, did I mention I am a successful, self supporting, attractive woman? Lol. I just feel so lame for even being worried about guys and dealing with rejection and its this sort of ‘desperate’ feeling. The attention just feels so good. Just being honest. Maybe it’s as simple as I need to make them ‘work’ for me a bit more, but I have a hard time waiting for that to happen. Can you relate? I am thoroughly intrigued with how you and Brody got into a committed relationship, based on how he was portrayed in the media and the shows he was on (no offense- I think he is gorgeous and sweet). So sorry for the ramble, any advice/feedback would be great. Thx.

  • Totally agree with this, always remember you are two, individual people who just happen to love each other and their company.

    However unsure why you think your life does depend on your partner once married? Some people change once they get married, I think because they feel more secure and get a little too comfy.

    • I don’t think your life depends on your partner once you get married, but you are certainly tied together in more ways (living together, taxes, children, etc.)! Obviously some level of independence is always important!

  • And what do you do when you’re two days from moving in with each other, three years into the relationship and he breaks up with you out of no where, with no warning.

    • Wow, sorry to hear that. I will say, though, that when I moved in with my boyfriend, he had a little freak out period. He started hanging out with his friends away from the house nonstop (where in the past he had spent a lot of time relaxing at home). I knew he was excited for me to move in, and I’ve read that guys will often have little freak outs around big life changes, so rather than stress out myself, I sat him down, told him I’d noticed he’d become a little distant, and reassured him that I could always not move in if he’d be more comfortable — that I was happy with the relationship as it had been before. I think the fact that I wasn’t pushing it on him and was willing to wait, made him realize it was what HE wanted. He immediately insisted I still move in, totally chilled out, and started acting like his normal self again! I don’t know how long it’s been since this happened with your boyfriend (and don’t know other details about your relationship), but if I were you, I’d try just giving him some space. It’s like that saying, “When you love someone, let them go. If they come back they were always yours, if they don’t, then they never were.” And if he never was, then you deserve someone who 100% is!

  • Best advice! You never know so you might as well make youself happy! Thanks for sharing, you are the best! xoxo

  • I am a 35 year old married women with 2 beautiful daughters. Love this post!! You are sooooo right!! Have your own thing for sure. It does get harder with kiddos (I struggle with that) Anyway, I did not get married until I was 31. Now… I’m not saying that this is for everyone, but I think getting married in you 20s is too young. You just don’t know yourself yet. Or at least I didn’t. Thought I did ha!! My husband and I were friends first for years. Then one day I looked up (literally he’s 6ft 6′) and was like, I dadgum love you!! And he was like, I dadgum love you too!!! And it was easy!! We lived 3 hours away and made it work. It was like a breath of fresh air with him. I had always dated guys that made it seem so hard. They made me hate dating… My best advise is to wait until you find the one that everything just seems easy:)

    Love this site!!! Keep up the great work!! Kisses!

  • Hi Kaitlynn
    I didn’t want to like this blog. I’m a bit over the ‘Kardashian’ approach to life and what matters (no offence to anyone in your family – I don’t intend it as a comment on individuals, just a shortcut to describe a lifestyle which I used to aspire to and now find a little sad – just for me) I realise I was expecting this blog to be more of the same. I think I was looking for things to take issue with…I’ve just spent a little time browsing your dating advice and sections on love and I was wrong. This is so fresh and genuine. You have achieved a really balanced, sincere and aspirational blog. You seem like someone with whom I’d be friends…good good luck with everything!

    • I totally understand where you’re coming from! Thanks for taking the time to check it out anyway! I hope you’ll be back 🙂

  • Hey kaitlynn, I love everything on your blog especially your love advice. I was wondering if you could do a post on moving in with your boyfriend and how to make the place feel more like home for the both of us instead of like a bachelor pad and how to compromise on space and décor?

    • Yeah, totally! That’s something I’ve had to work pretty hard at, but I have some tips!

  • When you live in moslem countries, these rules do not apply. Women cannot go out without her man’s permission (the father if the girl is single, the husband if she is married). I find it sickening but they are happily their bodies, showing nothing but the palm and the face (sometimes they even put on veil). So it must be cultural thing (being independent versus clingy).

  • Hi Kaitlynn! I know I’m responding to this way after it has been posted but I just felt like I needed to comment. I recently have followed you on IG and decided to check out your blog. First, I love it. I went under the love category first because of how evident your love with Brody is (I think it’s so unique and great.) Second, this post hit the spot. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year now and I just recently had a fight (literally tonight) about him not spending enough time with me. After reading your blog I have a whole new perspective. My boyfriend pointed out how he felt that I didn’t really have a life outside of him (I had given up a lot of time with my girlfriends to spend time with him.) I was in denial until I read this. So I just want to thank you!! This is amazing advice and I’m excited to take initiative on it. I’m so grateful I checked out your blog, can’t wait to read more posts 🙂 xoxo

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